


Mistakes

by Kuroshi44



Series: Mistakes [1]
Category: Kuroshitsuji | Black Butler
Genre: Blood and Gore, Cross-Posted on FanFiction.Net, Demon Sebastian Michaelis, Depressing, Female Pronouns for Grell Sutcliff, I dislike Twin theory, I don't write for this fandom anymore, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Multi, Sebastian is only in it at the end, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide, This is an old story of mine, and only for a little while, author had issues when this was written, does not involve real Ciel, i can't tag but am enjoying doing so, it's why this is cross posted and not new, or so I tell myself, our Ciel is real Ciel in this, probably still does, set after manga, was written before he was proven, was written during Green Witch arc
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-24
Updated: 2018-11-06
Packaged: 2019-08-06 22:11:14
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 14
Words: 14,432
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16396043
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kuroshi44/pseuds/Kuroshi44
Summary: Ciel is dead and Elizabeth attempts to follow him, unfortunately we know how reapers come about.Set a few years after the manga but was written immediately following the reveal of reaper origins during the Green Witch arcThere is attempted non-con in chapter 11, it is stopped but it is there so please be cautious if that is going to cause problems for you. there is another warning before that chapter begins





	1. Beginning

**Author's Note:**

> If you missed it in the tags, twin theory has nothing to do with this, this is me moving old works from Fanfiction.net to this site.

The reaper looked at the crumpled form on top of the grave. Blond curls limp and green eyes glassy, her black dress hid well the various tones of red from the drying blood, the same blood that coated the ground and sword that lay beside the dead girl.

His death scythe snaked out and cut the soul away from the body and released the cinematic records. Quietly he sat back to view the life of the childish girl in front of him, the life of Elizabeth Midford.

_ Laughter and joy filled the air as the three children and a dog chased each other around and around the rose garden in an endless game of chase. Adults sat back smiled softly at the two older blonde haired children and the small black haired boy. How good it had been to be young and free, not knowing the pain of the outside world beyond the manor gates. _

_ The blond girl, eleven now, stands with her family in front of three graves. They are dressed for mourning and missing is the black haired boy and his parents. No, not missing, they too are part of the gathering, sitting just a couple of meters under the feet and their presence represented by marble stones. Many are present, many are crying, including the small green-eyed, blond-hair girl as she grieves for her friend and fiancée. _

_ The same girl a month later races of up-stairs that had been burned to ashes on that dreadful night. With hope and terror she flings open the doors with a cry of his name on her lips, should this prove a trick it will end her. But there he stands, her blue eyed boy. With relief and joy she flings herself at the small form standing in the middle of the room, glad to see the boy she thought lost had finally returned to her. _

_ It had taken awhile but eventually she had realised in all the ways he had changed, that the boy that had returned was not the boy that was lost. She had grown to love this version of her loved one as much, if not more, than she had the previous. _

_ Years passed, her love grew. He was strange, she saw the signs, but she also saw that there was nothing she could do. One conversation in particular stood out. _

' _Lizzy, can I talk to you?'_

' _What is it Ciel?'_

' _If I die don't follow me.'_

' _What!'_

' _My job is dangerous, there is a high probability that I will die before my time, and before you. Should that happen I want you to live your life as well as you can, to try and be happy for both of us.'_

' _Ciel you're scaring me.'_

' _Just promise me Elizabeth; promise me you will try to live.'_

_ There was something in his eye as he said it, something that made her believe there was something else he wanted, no needed, to tell her. But he said nothing and simply waited for her words. _

' _Yes I promise.' It was a promise she could not keep._

_ Losing him once had been agony, losing him twice was her death. As a child she had not fully understood her grief, had not fully accepted her pain. Now she was older and it ripped through her like a sword. A miracle had brought him back the first time, just to tear him away again leaving an even larger hole than before. _

No _, she thought as she stood over his grave stone,_ it was not a promise I could keep _._

_ The others had left her there with her black cloths and her grief, no one would stop her. She had been raised to always carry a sword, concealed but present, and she took it out now. _

How should I do it? _She wondered, with her sword she carried years of learning how to kill or fatally wound an attacker. How best could she turn that knowledge against herself?_

_ She could slice her wrists or throat; she could stab herself in the stomach or heart, though the former would take a while. She sat on her husband's grave and listed all the places to wound in order to end a life and which best suited her current purpose. _

_ Finally her decision was made and the cold steel of her blade parted her delicate white skin, staining both red with the blood that was quickly spilling onto the ground. Blood loss made her head light and her eyes heavy as it numbed the pain of her self-made wounds. Slowly she drifted into a sleep as her heart finished the job her hands had started. _

I am sorry Ciel, I will see you sooner than you would have liked, and I have broken my promise, but please don't hate me. _With these finally thoughts her eyes glassed over and the records came to an end._

The reaper sat back with mixed emotion. He was always conflicted when dealing with suicides. On one hand he would get less over time, on the other he understood the pain that had led to this death. His heart went to this girl who had made the mistake of trying to join her lover, and eliminated all possibility of it.

Soul in hand he left the body lying on the grave for her family to find as he went back to headquarters. Preparations needed to be made to welcome and train the new arrival. Things were always complicated with new reapers, but when you took your own life just to wake up as a godly being that was just the way things went


	2. Awake

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am ignoring a particular ova of the anime regarding reapers, considering events in the manga (which this is based off) because when I wrote this I believed this was a much more likely way reapers are trained.

Elizabeth sat up on the chair and blinked at her surroundings. The room was a plain white box with two chairs, one of which she was currently occupying. She had no memories of ever being in this room before and didn't know how she had gotten there now. The last thing she remembered was...

She doubled over with a gasp clutching her head; the last few memories were fuzzy. The funeral, she had been at the funeral. She had buried the body of her husband and everyone had been crying and then they left and then, and then...

Her thoughts were interrupted when the door she had been ignoring burst open and in flounced a rather unusual person. Long red hair flowed down their back where it met with a red coat that was shrugged of the shoulders, under the coat the person had on a rather formal looking business suit. But what really caught Elizabeth's attention were the eyes, eyes even greener than her own and with a yellow ring around the inside, eyes under red glasses held in place with a chain decorated with skulls.

'Well aren't you a little doll.' Elizabeth was startled not only by the words but also the voice. It had been male once but forced into a high pitch to sound more feminine. It was then that she noticed the person's body was in the same state, clearly once male but dress so as to give curves and feature that did not really exist.

'I'm sorry, who are you?' Elizabeth's confusion had been steadily increasing since the person first walked in.

'Oh I'm sorry, where are my manners. My name is Grell Sutcliff, I am a reaper and it is a pleasure to meet you, darling Elizabeth, though I wish circumstances were better.'

'Reaper? What on earth is going on? How do you know my name? And where am I?'

'I am getting to that dear, now hush. I am a reaper or death god, one from a rather large and rather important organisation of reapers. Currently we are in the head office of the English branch of the association. As reapers it is our job to collect and judge the souls of dead humans.'

'So you mean to tell me I am dead then?' Elizabeth couldn't help but interrupt. Shock had made her rather abrupt.

A strange look passed over Grell's face, a combination of sorrow, pity and uncertainty.

'Well, you're not alive technically. But see, when humans die in a particular way they become reapers. You Miss Elizabeth have the honour, or misfortune, or punishment, of joining the ranks of our distinguished organisation. I am here as, a guide of sorts, a mentor, to teach you all about rules and regulations, history and procedure and generally welcome you into our line of work. Though why on earth they chose me to do the task I have no idea, I think it was something to do with personality? Oh well, we can ask Will later. Actually ask Will most questions because, as he loves to point out, I am particularly inept at my job.'

Elizabeth stared at the self-proclaimed reaper and wondered if she hadn't collapsed on top of the grave and was currently having some bazar grief induced dream. If it was a dream she wished it would change soon, become a memory in which she could dance alone with her beloved. That would be a dream worth having, one where she could forget the pain that was waiting for her upon waking.

'This is a dream isn't it,' she murmured. 'Any second now I will wake up in my bed, the last few weeks will have been a dream and Ciel will be lying next to me.'

'Sorry darling, this isn't a dream, both you and your love are dead and gone in the eyes of the living.'

Lizzy glared at the offending man, woman, whatever. But only sadness and sympathy met her gaze.

'Then why isn't he here with me?'

'Because not everyone goes to the same place when they die. People who do what we did, make our mistakes, come here. People that die like him, make the choices he made, go somewhere else entirely.'

'My mistakes?'

'What is the last thing you remember? Was it your last moments? I can see in your eyes that it not. Look back, remember your pain, and remember your actions. Remember what it was you did, you will know what I am talking about.'

Lizzy looked back, she remembered the funeral, she remember people leaving, she remember the pain, she remembered . . .

The rest came in a flash and her eyes began to throb in time to her non-existent heartbeat. Her blade and her blood, her body crumpling to the dirt that hid the boy she loved from view. The thought that she would be joining him soon as the darkness spread across her vision. Her life flashing past, focusing on her black-haired boy, her love, the source of all her happiness and pain. The pain of his loss and of the knowledge that Grell spoke the truth. That because of her actions, her mistake, her broken promise she would never see him again, not even death would reunite them now.

As the pain in her heart and her eyes began to fade she heard Grell come to stand just in front of where she was huddled on the floor. Glancing up she kept blinking, trying to clear the tears from her eyes so she could see. After a while she frowned, the tears where gone but the world was blurry, Grell was a red blur as they knelt down and moved their hands with something in them towards her face. She leaned back but felt a pair of glasses slip over her eyes regardless, bringing the landscape somewhat back into focus.

'We will get you a more personised version later, these should do for now though.' Grell's voice was soft, compassionate, like they understood. Thinking back on their earlier words she realised it was possible they did.

Grell was also holding out something else, a small hand held mirror. Looking at herself she lost her breath. Her eyes, though still green, were now identical to Grell's.

'Welcome to the reaper association.'


	3. Introduction to a new world

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Apologies if this is confusing/appears random. I figure Lizzy would be a little out of it

Elizabeth walked down the hall trailing after Grell. The first things they had done after leaving the hall was go to a tailers (not Nina) to be measured for her uniform. Now they wandered the halls of the headquarters as Grell gave her 'the tour,' pointing out things the reaper thought important. They had passed others on their walk and Elizabeth now knew that, whatever Grell had been originally, she was now most definitely a woman; any mention otherwise would be met with violence.

Something had been bothering Lizzy, something Grell had said when they were in the room.

Suddenly everything fell on her like a tonne of bricks.

_ Oh god, what have I done? _ She was dead; by her own hand she was dead. Her body was laying on her husband's grave for her parents, her brother to find. The pain Ciel's loss had caused her; she had caused it for her family, by her own actions and without thought. She would never see any of them again.

And what was worse was what Grell had hinted was how people turned into a reaper. All those people she had passed in the hall, the person she was following now.

Grell turned to look at her charge standing frozen in the middle of the hall. She looked pale and sick, horrified. Suddenly Grell remembered things from long ago, things since forgotten.

Lizzy felt arms go around her shoulders, a person steering her around with a destination in mind. She felt a chair behind her and a cup of tea in her hands and looked up to see Grell's smiling face as she handed her the cup.

'There there darling, it's alright, the tea will help you feel better.' Lizzy took a hesitant sip and found the tea to be quite good, not as good as Sebastian's but passable. She took a deeper gulp and felt her frayed emotions settling somewhat. Grell sat silently in front of her, lost in thought.

'I had forgotten,' she muttered. Seeing Elizabeth's confused look she elaborated. 'How it felt when I first arrived. I had forgotten what it was like before things where just everyday facts. Back when it was horrifying to realise just what it meant to be a reaper, back before I learned to enjoy my work, though if you ask any one I apparently suck, far from the perfect employee.'

Elizabeth was silent for a while longer before her tentative voice spoke up.

'When you said reapers were people who died a certain way and I was now one, you weren't referring to the placement of my cuts were you? You meant, you meant. . .' her voice trailed off, she couldn't finish the sentence. Grell gave the gentlest smile she could manage.

'Becoming a reaper is Gods way of punishing those who would take their own life. You are condemned to collect the souls of the dead until you have been considered to make amends.'

'So you … everyone…' she trailed off as Grell put her finger to her lips.

'It is impolite to ask a lady such question, impolite to ask anyone such questions. No matter whom we were before, now we are just reapers. Some actually prefer this life; I have to say I am one. After all I am the ripest of reapers!' her exclamation was accompanied by a wicked smile highlighting her filed teeth. 'Once you're finished that we shall go see William, he can fill in the blanks. I'm just terrible with the little details!' with that the two were off down the maze of halls to find the office of a reaper called William, who Grell promised would be more informative than she was.

Finally they arrived at a door with 'William t. Spears, dispatch head' written across it. Grell didn't bother knocking; she just burst through the door and threw herself across the desk of the poor man sitting behind it with a loud cry of 'William!'

'What is it Sutcliff? I thought you were looking after the new reaper, are you messing around again?' the disapproving voice matched the disapproving look that was sent in the direction of the unfortunate red-head.

'But William, I am looking after her! I brought her here to listen to you lay out the rules!'

'So you are avoiding work by passing it off to me? Honestly Sutcliff.' The man, William, sighed and turned to Elizabeth. 'You may as well come in.' Hesitantly she walked in after her 'mentor' and shut the door behind her.

'I have no idea what Sutcliff told you, but knowing her probably not a lot, so I shall start with basics. You are a reaper; you are a reaper because you have taken your own life. It doesn't matter who you were before, noble, commoner or royal, you are now nothing more than a worker in our organisation.'

'Don't worry, we treat each other like family here, it's not as bad as he makes it seem.' William glared at Grell for the interruption.

'As a worker you are to be self-sufficient, we don't have servants. For the next couple of months your job is to follow your mentor, Sutcliff, around headquarters and ask questions, learn how to look after yourself and how to do the job. Following that you will follow her on a couple of collection, once you understand how it works you shall complete a couple of collections yourself with her helping. After your mentor deems you capable you will be assessed, given proper glasses, and allowed to choose your own death scythe.

'I will warn you, double check everything Sutcliff tells you. If what she says contradicts someone else believe the other person.'

'William! That's rude, undermining me in front of my junior!'

'You were recently on suspension, again!' Grell gave a pout that looked like it was meant to be cute.

'Can I ask a question?' Lizzy softly interrupted their banter. 'If she is meant to be so incompetent how come she is the one mentoring me?' Elizabeth felt it was an important question to ask.

'Two reasons,' William told her. 'One; she is the one we can spare for the couple of months to get you used to the place, everyone else is busy doing their job. Two; Grell is often given this job as she has the type of personality to get along with people and put them at ease when you first get to know her. Of course after that she is just a general annoyance.'

'I am present you know!'

'We are also fairly sure that enough of us are around between collections to correct any of her mistakes.'

'Will! Why are you being so mean?'

Lizzy looked between the two as they argued. Maybe this wouldn't be as bad as she first thought.


	4. Clothes and Reminiscing

Elizabeth stood still as the cloths were slid into place by the kind tailer for the final fitting. She wasn't paying attention to what they looked like but she had noticed that they were all in shades of black and grey. Once she may have thrown a tantrum, but at the moment she had other things to think about.

'Your uniform is designed for manoeuvrability, since you're in collections. A reapers job is to quietly and discreetly collect the souls of the dead, nothing too strenuous, of course accidents happen and it pays to be prepared.' Grell was explaining the different uniforms, she talked about clothes almost as much as Lizzy used to. 'Usually girls get given desk jobs, they seem to be able to manage organisation and keep everyone in line better, however there are quite a few exception. You and I are some, my personality made paper work a nightmare and your skills were considered too good to be wasted.'

Elizabeth had adjusted to many things over the last week, with Grell's help. She had adapted to the redhead's mood swings, learned to bath and dress herself as well as make a passable meal. She knew half the reapers and could find her way around some parts of the organisation without getting lost. She had even been taught some of the rules and etiquette of being a reaper, and just what her mentor had done to earn her suspensions.

She thought of some of the friends she had made, a couple of them quite surprising. A person called Ronald Knocks was her closest friend after Grell, though after their first encounter she had believed the opposite would be true.

She had been trailing behind Grell through a rather crowded lunch room on her third day when they were approached by the two toned haired boy. He had been talking to his 'senpi' for a while before he noticed the blond haired girl standing behind Grell.

'So this is the new reaper? She's a stunner, how about we ditch your mentor and you come over and have lunch with me? I can tell you about all the hot spots to visit for a good time around H.Q.' As the poor boy said the last sentence he had placed his hand on her shoulder and given her a smile that told her that one of these places would either be his room or an empty closet.

It had been a blow to her heart as it dragged up memories of Ciel and she hadn't even thought about anything but the pain as her fist had flashed out into his face. There had been several exclamations as the reaper flew back with broken nose and glasses. Elizabeth's face had matched Grell's hair as she stammered out apologies one after the other to all present.

After a (quiet, sad, apologetic,) explanation the reaper also apologised and introduced himself as Ronald. He promised to keep himself to himself and help her out when Grell couldn't.

Her reminiscing had brought her to the end of her fitting and she stood before Grell in full attire. Grell looked her over with a frown on her face before she flew into a rage.

'Oh no, this just won't do! It doesn't look right, how on earth do you expect a young lady to go out in public looking like that! It needs something, but what? Think, Grell, how can I make her look presentable?' Suddenly her face cleared. She fished something out of her pocket and began fiddling with it around her head. Finally she turned her young charge towards the mirror and stepped back.

At first Elizabeth didn't notice what grell had done. She just looked at the professional suit with its skirt and stockings and blouse and jacket, somehow professional and flexible at the same time. Once she would have complained that it wasn't cute, but the side of her that had cared about that had died with her husband. She had been cute for him and now he was gone. Finally she noticed what Grell had done to her hair.

He golden locks had been pulled up into twin pigtails, curling down in delicate twirls. Keeping the hair in place were two large, pink bows.

For the first time in a long time, she caught a glimpse of the girl she had been. Elizabeth hadn't noticed just how much she had missed the fun loving child that could rant and rave over 'cute' and throw parties. She didn't realise just how her eyes had lost their sparkle when that girl had curled up next to the boy she had forced to lover her.

She didn't hesitate; she threw herself at Grell and into the arms of the older reaper. She kept gasping out her thanks, thanks for reminding her of just what it was she had lost, just how much she had missed it. And most of all for showing her that it was still there, buried deep and hurt badly but still present, giving her back a spark of what she had thrown away.

With her head buried in Grell's chest her gasps turned to sobs and she cried, cried for her boy, for herself, for her mistakes. Grell just held her, let her darken her shirt with salty water; let her pour out her pain and her grief. After a while her mentor, her friend, began to pat her back and murmur soothing words.

Neither noticed as the tailer quietly packed away her things and left with a few tears in her eyes, she may not have known what caused the outburst, but she did understand the rollercoaster that was those first few months as reaper. She had lost count of how many times she had broken down when she first arrived.

She also noted Grell, the famous rule breaker, ruled by emotions and passion, the very embodiment of the colour red, and the softer side that this small girl brought out. Mr Spears had definitely known what he was doing when he organised this pair for mentoring.


	5. Revelations

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lizzy learns the truth

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lizzy is around 17-18 years old in this and she and Ciel have been married for a while.

There was a big commotion as the two walked down the hall from the tailors, Elizabeth now proudly wearing the uniform and pigtails and Grell with a new shirt (She had somehow managed to get small red flowers decorating the regular white one). Everyone was racing down the halls towards the lobby where reapers left and arrived from collections. Looking at each other the two took off after the crowd to see what was happening.

A reaper that Lizzy didn't know was sitting in a chair covered in blood. His scythe, what looked like a pair of garden shears, were held loosely in his fingers, there was more blood than could possibly belong to him, and some that clearly was. Lizzy could see no sign of the soul he had been sent to get.

Finally William marched onto the scene; his eyes demanding the story his pursed lips refused to ask for. Finally the poor man looked up and said two words;

'Bloody demons.'

'Can you describe the vermin?'

'Two of them, there were three in total but one hung back in the shadows, didn't get a good look at him.'

'Did you take any of them down?'

'One of them, the other two took off with the soul.'

'Get to the infirmary; I expect a full report once you're cleared to return to duty, we can't have demons teaming up and running loose.'

As the crowd dispersed Elizabeth turned her large eyes to Grell and said in a rather surprised voice.

'Demons Exist?!' her voice started Grell with its intensity and caused her to frown in confusion.

'Of course they do; so do angels obviously.'

'How come this is the first time I'm told this after being here for almost a week?'

'We assumed you knew, after all you have had close contact with one over the last few years and were married to Phantomhive, and after you woke up to realise that reapers exist because they were being punished by god we figured you would know.' Grell sounded very confused.

'What do you mean I have had close contact with one, and what does Ciel have to do with anything?' now rather than confused Grell looked rather disturbed and nervous.

'You mean you didn't…? Oh god I don't ... this is ... William!' with a shout of the other reaper name Grell took off down the hall in the direction the dispatch head had disappeared down moments before, leaving Lizzy to follow behind at a slightly more sedate pace.

Finally she reached Williams office in time to see him scolding the red-reaper for bothering him when he would obviously busy in light of recent events. Grell stood there looking distressed.

'But, William, I don't know what to do, I don't know how to tell her!'

'Tell her what Sutcliff?'

'She doesn't, didn't . . . she doesn't know!' with that final shout Grell burst into messy tears on Williams desk.

'Mrs Phantomhive, can you please explain to me the situation.' Elizabeth looked between the two in growing concern. When she started talking she made sure to hide her uncertainty behind her confidence, just the way her mother had taught her. Her voice was calm and steady.

'Grell was surprised that I didn't know about demons. She hinted that I had known one when I was alive and that for some reason my husband was involved.' Elizabeth was proud of how professional she sounded. 'I would like you to explain to me what she meant, Mr Spears, and about demons in general.' After her words William himself looked slightly disturbed.

'Well this is an oversight on our part. I can see why Sutcliff would ask me to tell you.' His words were punctuated by an increase of crying from said reaper. 'The demon we know you to have had contact with went by the name Sebastian Michealis, your husband's butler.' Elizabeth did her best to hide her shock. Perfect Sebastian was a demon, though if she was truthful it made a twisted kind of sense. 'The reason we thought you would know of this was because your husband did and we thought he would have told you.' Now nothing could help Elizabeth hide the blow this was to her.

'Ciel knew? He knowingly let a demon into his home, let it stay there?' there was something in William's eyes, something that said that wasn't all. 'What else, how much did he know?' there was a slight desperation seeping in to her voice.

'All of it.' The simple words shattered her. 'He had a contract with the demon, his soul in return for a wish. Because of this and his line of work we had constant dealing with the two in the lead up to his death; he knew everything about our world. If I may be honest I was very surprised when you turned up on the records as due to die of suicide, I assumed he would have warned you. I guess that should have been my first clue that you were uninformed, as I said an oversight.'

Elizabeth thought back to that conversation, that strange conversation where he had seemed to be trying to communicate something he couldn't say. So desperate he had been for her to promise to try to live, because he knew what awaited her if she didn't. And she, stupid, unfaithful Lizzy, had broken that promise and all his efforts. Then something clicked in her head and a small part of her heart broke.

'You said he had a contract, that he had sold his soul?' Grell gave a pitiful wail.

'Demons can be collared and bound by a contract. The demon serves the human in order for the master to obtain a 'wish,' once the wish is granted the human hands over his soul in payment.' Lizzy froze, asking with her eyes a question she really didn't want answered.

'I am afraid to inform you that your husband knew he would die, and he knew that he would go to hell when he did.'


	6. shock

_ Previously: 'I am afraid to inform you that your husband knew he would die, and he knew that he would go to hell when he did.' _

Elizabeth stood there staring at them; the only sound was Grell's sobs. Slowly she began to back out of the office; tripping slightly in her shock. The noise alerted Grell to her movement and the red reaper looked up with makeup running to try to stop her from leaving. Elizabeth quickly shook her head.

'I ... I need to be alone for a little while, please just leave me alone to process this. If something urgent comes up I will be in my room but I just need to straighten this out in my head.' The whole time she was talking she was edging out towards the office door before she paused to say in a quiet voice.

'Please, please just leave me alone to think,' before she turned around and fled.

As she flew through the halls she passed many others, some she knew and some she didn't, who would later marvel at the speed at which she moved and speculate as to what had made her hurry in such a way. And then they would shrug it off, it was not there business, and that time when you first had to come to terms with what you did and what everything meant... the reason you spent so long 'learning' in headquarters was just so you could get used to the place and come to terms with what life meant to you now.

In the office Grell slowly began to clean herself off and re-apply her make up.

'You could have been more gentle.' she reprimanded, though softly and still with much sadness.

'There was no sugar coating it, Grell. Better to give it to her straight, just like everything she will have to deal with it sooner or later.'

'Honestly, William, she is just a heart broken girl. At a time when she should have been creating a family she lost one. We girls are different to you men, we actually have a heart.'

'Is that why you killed all those people?' William's voice was cutting, he was mad at the reaper for judging him for doing something she had forced him to do.

'That is exactly why I killed all those people; that's also why I am so concerned for that poor girl.' Grell would not back down, even as she applied knew mascara.

'So then, what do you suppose I do?'

'You don't have to do anything. I couldn't bring myself to break her heart but I am capable of picking up the pieces.' With that the reaper went after her charge as a red streak.

ssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss

Elizabeth felt herself shaking with sobs, hatred, anger and horror as she sat on her bed. It hurt so badly. It had hurt to lose him; it had caused her pain she couldn't live through. Now she knew that he had known it was coming. Suspecting something after that conversation was one thing, having someone else tell her in no uncertain terms that he had known and that he had chosen that fate was another.

It had been a nice dream, to believe that he was in heaven, to first think that was where she would meet him, to then believe that even if they weren't together he was in a better place.

When had he done it? Why had he done it? Had Sebastian snuck into the house as a servant and seduced him into agreeing to some deal that tricked Ciel out of his soul for some trivial thing? Or had it been that way from the beginning, had he come to the manner because there was already a deal in place? Sebastian had been with them since Ciel was ten; that was many years ago, so much time over which he had wormed his way into their good graces, earned their trust, all the time planning, waiting to steal her poor boy from them.

And what had Ciel gained, what had been his wish? What action had led to his death? What had been so important that he would trade his soul, his life with her for? All she had was questions without answers and a deep seated rage. He had left her willingly. It wasn't some tragic accident, some attacker he had fought to try and get back to her. It was his choice and he hadn't even warned her, had just slipped away with no word or explanation. Oh he had tried to tell her not to follow, 'to live and be happy for both of us,' but in the end they were just words and he hadn't tried very hard.

No, he had not told her why it was important, had not warned her about what awaited those that made that mistake. All he had done was tell her to be happy while knowingly destroying all possibility of it.

Her pain, her sadness, was slowly turning into white fury. The more she thought about it the more angry she got.

Her thoughts where interrupted by a knock on the door and a creak as Grell pushed it open. Her anger changed direction, channelling at the only target available.

'I asked to be left alone, can I not grieve in peace?' her voice was louder than normal, grating in her anger.

'You said we could come in if it was important, well what I have to say is important.'

'What could possibly be important right now that you need me for? Don't you have demons to catch?'

'I am excused from all duty until you are ready to participate in field training. And right now what I have to say is extremely important, so you had better listen.' That was all it took, for the second time Lizzy flew at Grell, this time for a very different reason.

'No it's not! Nothing is important except that he left me! He left me alone and by his own choice!' and the damn broke and Lizzy was crying with snot and tears and chest heaving sobs as she rained her fists onto Grell's chest. And Grell stood there and took the blows without flinching, and when Lizzy calmed Grell pattered her head and murmured soothing words.

'It's okay dear, it's okay to be angry, there there, its alright. Just let it out.' After she had calmed down further Grell moved to the bed. 'What was so important was that I can give you answers, if you want to hear my story.'


	7. Grell's story part one

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 'Previously; 'What was so important was that I can give you answers, if you want to hear my story.'

Lizzy looked up with tear-stained cheeks. Grell could give her answers? And it tied in to her story?

'Not all my story mind you, not who I was before I was a reaper, but after that. My story of while I was a reaper, of how I meet the Earl of Phantomhive and his butler, of how I have the answers you seek.' Slowly, with much hesitation, Elizabeth nodded. 'I just ask that you don't think differently of me.

'My story starts three years before I officially met Ciel; first I met a woman called Angelina Dalles, also known as Madam Red.' Grell saw her look of recognition at the name, a name Lizzy hadn't heard in years. 'Yes, I believe you knew her. But the woman I knew was a little different; the woman I knew was also Jack the Ripper.'

Grell watched the confusion and horror play over Elizabeth's face as she tried to reconcile the image of the kind woman she had known with the paper articles she had read so long ago. The stories of women found sliced open and mutilated.

'I should probably add at this point that I helped her with her killings, remember I asked that you don't think differently of me.' Once again Elizabeth was left trying to put two very different people and her opinions of them into one person.

'This meeting was during the time the boy in question was missing. The woman was driven insane with grief and I was the reaper assigned to collect the souls of her victims. As I watched her I fell in love, in love with her fire and her reason, her hair so closely matching my own. I agreed with her actions, her pain was one I had felt for a long time. For three years I stayed with her, acted as her butler during the day and her accomplice at night. Then the Queen ordered her Watch Dog to stop the killings.' Grell paused in thought. 'It was at our last murder that the brat and I officially meet as human and reaper.

'During my first encounter with the boy and his butler I must admit that I was more focused on the stud that was his demon. I knew instinctively what he was, and my crush lasted more years than I care to admit. It was only after I grew up enough to look passed the physical that I realised just how extraordinary your husband was. But we are getting ahead of ourselves; first we have the proper meeting between me and the Earl.

'That night I intended to end the demon and his poor aunt was meant to take care of the little human, but things didn't work that way and it took me a long time to find out why. You see Red couldn't do it, she couldn't kill the boy, and the boy stopped the demon from killing her when he thought his contractor was in danger. It was then I realised something, a horrible truth.

'When she died, it would be by her own hands, unless I did it first.' Looking into the girls eyes she saw horror dawn as poor Lizzy understood what she meant. 'Yes, I killed the woman you mourned for during that night. I admit I was cruel, but it had to be done. You see I understood, though she didn't, what her inability to kill the boy would lead to. She would realise what she had done, her soul would break and her anger at herself would lead her to making our mistake. I love this life but it would have destroyed her, so I had to save her from that fate, by ending her. I killed her from anger, I killed her from grief, but most of all I killed her for kindness.' Seeing Lizzy understood she continued with her story.

'After that I said my piece, took her red jacket that I still have, and went to leave, however the boy ordered Bassy to kill me, we fought and, I hate to admit it, I lost. Just when I thought I was going to die William came to collect me, saved my life, apologised for my behaviour and dragged me off to punish me, landing me with my first suspension for killing people not on the to die list.

'My first mission after I was reinstated was at the Phantomhive manor, collecting intruders the servants killed, I believe you where there that night, when you woke up Bard had destroyed the kitchen.' Elizabeth stared wide eyed, trying to remember the night she described, but there had been so many like that. 'At the same time William and Ronald were collecting the souls of those killed by the boy and his demon.' Over the course of the conversation Grell's tone became lost in the past. It held a tone of grief that Lizzy did not yet understand.

'Something you may not have been told yet is that if a large number of souls die at once a reaper may be sent to investigate, my next mission was one of those and your husband was once again involved. I think you were there for that one too, a cruise ship with the walking dead.' Again Lizzy was stuck by just how close Grell had been to her. 'And with that a pattern was set for next few years. Honestly darling, I don't know how many times our paths would have almost crossed, just missing each other.

'That boy, where ever he and the demon went destruction and death followed, _we_ followed. He didn't always just tell the demon to kill either; often he pulled the trigger himself. I don't think you realise just how blood stained your husband was.' Lizzy had known; deep down she had known what being the Queens Guard dog had meant, from when her mother insisted she learned the way of the sword.

'Once I finally got over Bassy I started to notice things about the Earl, I noticed how he never changed, and how it was because of who Bassy was contracted to that the he acted the way he did. That boy was wrapped in darkness but it didn't let it break him. I finally noticed how we may be death and darkness but he controlled the darkness. I could see that he was working towards something, something big, and then finally he reached it.

'And when he completed his goal just a few weeks ago, he died, and the demon got the soul and we severed the records. And then, my dear, you joined us.'


	8. Grell's story part two

'That, darling, is the abbreviated version, leaving out several actions on my part that led to more suspensions. And one important detail that led to the my latest one, the one I was on when you arrived, the one that was the whole point to this tale, are you ready to hear it?' Elizabeth, long since over her fits and her shock, silently nodded her tear stained face. Grell gave her a small smile before she continued.

'Something you should know about cinematic records, we don't collect them. We view them when we judge a soul, but they are left with the body. Over the years I had grown curious about the Earl of Phantomhive, and when he died I couldn't resist. Once they had finished I snuck in, and I watched his records.'

Elizabeth was shocked and slightly annoyed at her mentor. Grell had just admitted to peeping in on her husband's records, to watching his deepest secrets, to knowing him better than she did. She had found her to be pervert over the week but this was taking it to a new level.

'Darling, don't miss understand, I came to hold a respect and fascination for your husband, but he was not my type. I am a woman and I require a man, my needs in a love are very physical, I did not desire your husband in any way you need fear. The attachment I had felt for him was respect, respect and a curiosity to know why he was the way he was, knowledge I will pass on to you if you wish.' Very hesitantly Elizabeth nodded her consent.

'The first thing on the records was you, your child hood together. That happy bright child was something I would want for my own children, and it saddened me for I knew it would not last. My curiosity grew as I tried to understand how that boy could become the controller of darkness I had been chasing for so many years. I could see no way in how they could be the same person.

'The next thing on the records unfortunately made it all clear. That fire and, more importantly, the month following it, the month for which he was missing.

'I cannot tell you what happened to him in that time, not specifically. I saw it, I saw it all, and it is nothing that any girl should see. I can tell you that he was kept in a cage, and treated in a manner no human should be. It was during this time that he summoned the demon; he guaranteed hell after he died in order to escape a living one. His wish was to bring justice for himself and his family, though even then he was not so naive as to call it that.'

Elizabeth was silent, she now had answers for the how and when of the making of the contract. However something felt wrong, something was still missing. She felt as if the final piece was yet to fall into place. Grell seemed to know what it was she was looking for and continued.

'I suppose even knowing what he sold his soul for dose not fill in all the blanks. What I have told you does not give you piece as it does not tell you what you most desperately need to hear. What you want me to tell you is whether he had a choice in giving his soul when he did, or whether he could have put it off to be with you for that little bit longer.

'There is something you must know before I answer that question, before the answer even makes sense, and that is exactly what that time in the cage did to him.

'The boy in the cage wished he had died in the fire if it would have speared him the torture that came afterwards, the boy that you had grown up with did. The Ciel Phantomhive that disappeared and the one that returned were two different people; you should have been able to sense that.' Elizabeth had known, but she had loved both of them in her own way.

'The cage shattered him, tore away his innocence, his softness, his youth. When he made the contract he was forged anew, rose from the ashes as a phoenix. And the thing that was forged was a controller, a manipulator, something now unbreakable.

'Once I had seen him through those records I truly understood why Jack the Ripper had fallen that night. The thing that emerged that night was a puppet master and all those around him his marionettes. I don't know if he did it consciously, but everyone he knew could not help behaving in a way he dictated or could predict and use to get what he wanted. The demon, the Queen, us even, our movements where all dictated by the strings that he held in his hands.

'I said he was blood soaked and this is true, but it was because he absorbed the spatters from everywhere he went. While we were busy chasing him the lists for other places got smaller. The insane or stupid, those for who reason did not apply came to an end by his hand. Those who were dark but had sense throttled their more despicable urges to try and preserve their own lives. While death and destruction were following him they had no time to visit elsewhere. This was all a result of the time in the cage, and the contract.

'The boy that came home was not the boy that left, he was something more. He was also not capable of love; that came many years later. After he first escaped, when the contract was still new, he may have changed conditions to live his life with you however his personality meant he could not. As years passed he fell in love with you, but he was a man of his word and his contract with the demon had come before his feelings for you.

Maybe he should have told you, but if he didn't it was because he was trying to shield you from the inevitable. He may have broken your heart, but darling, that is something to be proud of.'


	9. why you always knock

Lizzy had been at headquarters for months, she was now truly at home amongst the reapers. She had friends, she had Grell, and surprisingly she had Ronald and William as well. After her discovery of her husband's secrets and subsequent talk with her mentor life, or afterlife, had gotten easier. The first few days had been emotional, but once she had gotten over that she had been given clearance to practice with a sword again, but only an ordinary one, not a death scythe.

Her love of cute had finally returned as well, with the help of Grell she was able to alter her uniform to suit her personality better. For the first time in a long time she felt alive, which was strange considering she was now officially dead. She could look after herself and it had been ages since she had gotten lost.

Currently she was racing down the halls to find Grell, and report to William that she had been cleared to start field training by the ladies in personnel. She may have reservations about collecting a human soul, she may be worried about the reports of increasing demon attacks on reapers, but she was looking forward to getting out and about for the first time in months.

She knew she had been spending too much time with the red reaper when she opened the door to William's office without knocking. She also knew that she had found Grell, and that she regretted it.

For a spit second between when she had opened the door and William had corrected his posture to look respectable she had seen them. Grell leaned back against the desk with her long hair spilling over the paper like a pool of blood, William with his hand on either side of her body, leaning against her. Their mouths had been sealed; Grell's arms had been wrapped around the back of William's head to make sure they stayed that way.

Lizzy was back out that door as fast as she had come in, a highly embarrassed yip leaving her lips at having seen her co-workers in such a compromising position. She couldn't move from where she was leaning against the wall near the offending door, her burning face buried in her hand as she tried to erase the sight.

Finally Grell opened the door, her face matching her hair, and told her that she could come in.

'Mrs Phantomhive, I had expected you to know better. It is incredibly rude to enter someone else's office without knocking.' Lizzy marvelled at how calm and collected William looked, and the contrast to the heat and passion he had been displaying only moments ago. She also took some time to notice how quickly the office was back to its neat and ordered appearance, and wonder at just how much practice they had at getting it that way with little notice.

'I am sorry, but don't worry Mr Spears; I shall do so from now on, at least when I am not with Grell.' She couldn't help it, her voice was respectable but the dig was unavoidable.

'Yes, do please keep that to yourself. Now what was it you wanted? There must have been some reason you came in in such a hurry.' His voice was cold, but then it always was.

'Once again I am sorry, and I came in to tell you that I have been cleared to begin field training. I just need you to sign the forms to allow Grell to return to duty and authorise both of us the use of death scythes.'

'Very well, you should be able to take a shift with Grell tonight. I shall see to the paper work and you may get her to show you some basic preparation before you leave.' Elizabeth had never heard him say Grell's name before. He said it the same way she would have said Ciel's, all that emotion shimmering just below the surface, unannounced but unavoidable.

'Yes sir, we'll leave now sir.'

'Very good, I will send someone with the time you will leave and a to-die list for the evening.'

With that both girls turned around and left the office. Grell was still silent and uncomfortable, the blush having not yet left her face. Quietly they headed to the accommodation side of the building and Elizabeth followed Grell to her room. Once inside she just looked at the red head with one delicate eyebrow raised; a look she had learned from her mother.

'Don't look at me like that! It is not against the rules, just frowned upon. And what was I supposed to say? William is a very private man!'

'I'm just surprised, that's all. He seems so cold and emotionless all the time; I would have pictured you with a man that could match your fire passion for passion.'

'Oh trust me he can do that all right.' The look on Grell's face spoke of things Elizabeth preferred stayed private; then again she was the one who brought it up. 'That man may appear cold as ice, but the colder the ice is the more it burns.'

'Is he how you got over your inappropriate crush on a demon? I heard rumours that you were once quite ludicrous until recent years, is he the reason for the change?'

Grell got a faraway look in her eyes, it was similar to the look she had had so many months ago when she had answered her questions about her husband.

'Before I felt a desperate need to call attention and prove that I was a woman. I would dress in fancy cloths and . . . attack . . . any man who would stand still long enough for me to do so. Then came William and he proved to me that I didn't have to act that way for him to know I was a woman. After that I didn't feel the compulsion to behave in such a way, and I realized that I didn't really care for all the others, not even the demon.'

'I guess that is called growing up. But I thought you had been a reaper too long to still be changing in such a manner.'

'Elizabeth my dear, no matter how old you get there is always room to grow up, even after you die.'


	10. Time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lizzy discovers something about Ronald and time

Elizabeth sat on the gutter as she watched Grell skilfully disentangle the soul from the body. She had been doing collections for several days and this was the sixth one she had seen performed. Grell had been a surprisingly good teacher when it came to the practical side of soul reaping, explaining in detail everything she was doing and why she was doing it, pointing out anything that may cause an inconvenience. Today they had two souls to collect, the men had been having a drunken fight that had escalated, but that wasn’t why Lizzy was fidgeting as she sat on the side lines.

The demon attacks had been getting more frequent.

According to reports the number of attackers varied, but all cases involved a demon that stood apart from the rest and apparently orchestrated the events, nicknamed the “Organiser” by dispatch. Of all the incidents none had been able to successfully retrieve their soul. Reapers were now required to work in pairs to limit casualties, which had also started cropping up recently.

A reaper couldn’t die, at least not in the human term, but they could be damaged enough to cause a “shut down”, something she had had the displeasure of seeing.

But none of that was why she was fidgeting.

Ronald was accompanying them.

Over the last few months, specifically once she was able to leave the office, something had changed in their relationship. When they had first met he had tried to flirt and she had attacked him. After she apologised and explained the two had become good friends, she had talked to him about the women in HQ and laughed when some of them had gotten jealous or behaved in a way she classified as demeaning. Then there conversations had started getting longer, he had started to seek her out more around the building, his glances had started to linger and there was something in his eyes that reminded her of how her father had looked at her mother.

And it made her shake in her dress with fear.

She loved Ciel, she really did, even after talking to Grell she was still in love with her husband. If Ronald had been using the cheeky flirting and double meanings he used with the other female workers she could have brushed it off, but it wasn’t. The way he acted around her was different than the way he acted with the others, any others. She also couldn’t help noticing that his flirting with other women had also decreased over the last few days when she was around.

Finally Grell was done, thought Lizzy hadn’t paid much attention, and they were free to return. At long last she could get away from demon infested streets and, more importantly, she had an excuse to avoid emotionally confusing reapers with two coloured hair.

Kskskskskskskskskskskskskskskskskksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksks

‘Grellllll!’ her drawn out shout echoed slightly as she burst into the reaper’s room. ‘I need to talk to you, I need help!’

Grell turned to her with a slight smile on her lips; she had a suspicion about what Lizzy needed help with.

‘What is it, Darling?’

Elizabeth gave a huff as she fell face first onto the bed; her voice became slightly muffled. ‘It’s Ronald!’ Grell’s smile grew. The pour boy wasn’t exactly subtle, despite his attempts. When you were that head over heels nothing was going to hide it.

Grell didn’t blame him; Elizabeth was gorgeous especially with the tailored uniform Grell had helped her get permission for. Add in the fact that she had a fun personality, was already his friend, didn’t treat him like he was nothing but eye candy and had already sold her heart to someone else and Ronald hadn’t stood a chance.

But for now Grell decided to play dumb; it wasn’t like Lizzy could _see_ her shark like smile.

‘What about him?’ Elizabeth gave another little huff.

‘He’s in love with me! I think. All the signs are there. If it was just a harmless crush or if he was just mucking around and flirting like he does with the others then I could have brushed him off, but it’s not. He looks at me the way William looks at you, like my dad looked at my mum, I can’t stand it!’

Elizabeth rolled over on the bed and threw her arm over her eyes with a sigh.

‘I don’t know what to do. I still love Ciel, I haven’t gotten over him and I am not ready for another relationship. I don’t want to lead him on but if I turn him down I might lose a valued friend! What am I meant to do? Help me, Grell!’ the girl was starting to sound frantic towards the end.

Grell looked at her friend and smiled, oh to be young. Elizabeth may have been married before she died; but she was still just a girl, a teenager, nothing compared to Grell’s hundred years or so.

‘I recommend doing nothing,’ she said bluntly. Elizabeth turned to her with eyes wide and mouth open, Grell had to hide her laugh at the girl’s obvious surprise.

‘Do nothing?’

‘Yes, Ronald knows you; he knows that you are still in love with Ciel, he knows that he cannot act on his feelings, at least not yet.

‘Lizzy, you’re a reaper; time has no hold on you or him. You will see decades, maybe even centuries; you have time to take this slow. You don’t need to make a decision now, you can wait and see if your heart can mend from the tear your husband’s death left.

‘If Ronald is really in love with you than he will wait until you’re ready, even if you do take centuries.’

Elizabeth looked at her with sad eyes.

‘But that’s not fair to him. What if my heart never heals?’

‘Then he will move on, but he will always be your friend no matter what happens.’

Elizabeth gave a teary smile, hugged Grell hard with a whispered “thankyou” and left the room.

 _Honestly, that girl,_ Grell thought to herself, _she still forgets that she has time now; she doesn’t have to act immediately. It’s a good thing that I’m here to remind her._


	11. Elizabeth's First Reaping

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning; this mentions an attempted rape, it gets stopped but proceed with caution.

Elizabeth looked at the girl lying in the hospital bed and swallowed. This was it, her first attempt to collect a soul. Grell read the details of the girl’s life and death from the To-Die List, Elizabeth prepared herself to end the girls suffering. Doing so was harder than she would have thought; the girl was only a year older than she was, just over a year older than the age Lizzy was when she died. At least she had chosen death; this girl was just unlucky enough to pick up an illness.

She felt Grell put hand on her shoulder in encouragement. Taking a deep breath she plunged her temporary scythe into the girl’s chest and began to watch the records.

At first it had been just the usual, the things Lizzy had gotten used to seeing in Cinematic Records. She watched about the girl’s parents, her older brother, attending a public school for a few years before leaving in order to get a job in order to help support her family, working in a shoe shop as an assistant. Lizzy watched as, when the girl turned twelve, the parents had started looking for a suitable man for her to marry, watched her protest slightly that she wanted love and not just to be sold off to the highest bidder. Then the records had something different Elizabeth started for feel sick.

The girl, Sarah, had been late leaving work and it was dark by the time she started walking home, she couldn’t afford a carriage. After about a block she had become aware of two shadows following her, and they were catching up.

Elizabeth tried to turn away when the girl had started to run, only to be stopped by Grell’s voice in her ear.

‘Don’t look away; as reapers it is our job to watch their lives to the end, it is our responsibility to give their souls the respect of a proper judging.’

Elizabeth wanted to argue that watching this happen to a person wasn’t respectful, but she heeded her mentor’s words.

She watched as the two men finally caught up to the girl and dragged her into an alley, watched as they threw her to the ground and slapped her face. She felt her stomach rebelling when they started to tear at her cloths and hike up her skirt, she really just wanted to shut her eyes and block her ears as the girl screamed for help.

And then there was a gun shot.

The man who had been about to take her fell to the ground with a whole in his head dribbling blood. There was the sound of a gun being cocked, another shot, and the man that had been holding her down joined his friend on the ground.

Sarah looked round in no small amount of shock, horror on her face at the death of the two men and the knowledge of what had been about to happen to her. And then a person was crouching next to her, helping her stand and offering her a jacket to cover her ruined dress, and Elizabeth’s own face fell in shock as she recognised him.

Sebastian Michealis, her husband’s demon butler.

It was then that her husband himself walked into the alley from the street opening, smoking gun still in his hand. Ciel looked at the dead men with a sneer.

‘Robert and James Whitten, hired muscle and drug traffickers for the Ferro Family, recently suspected of raping and murdering eighteen girls in the last nine months. Their kind makes me sick.’ Ciel seemed to have forgotten about the girl standing next to his butler, Sarah looked as if she was going to faint. Suddenly he looked up with a surprisingly relaxed expression on his face.

‘Well, that takes care of that. Come, Sebastian, I’m tired and need a bath but I cannot do that until we get her home safely. We can give her a lift in our carriage.’ Sarah was in shock and only vaguely aware of the man next to her, Sebastian, asking for her address and helping her to the carriage where she was sat opposite to the boy who looked two years younger than her as he inspected his gun and emptied the remaining bullets, only two were missing. The ride passed in a daze before she was standing in front of her own door, jacket still on, as the carriage continued on.

Elizabeth was only vaguely aware of the rest of the events, of the girl’s parents panicking and a doctor being called who confirmed that she hadn’t been violated. Only dimly registered  the gratitude to her saviours that permeated the remaining few years of her life, the fact that they were the only reason she could were white to her wedding, or have a wedding at all.

Sarah’s records played on her mind long after she had cut them short, they repeated over and over again after she had handed in the soul. Not even Grell could pull her out of the haze that she was now in.

“ _I don’t think you realise just how blood stained your husband was_.” No, she hadn’t. She thought she had, even after that conversation she still had thought she understood that her husband had killed. Now she realised just how wrong she was.

“ _He absorbed the spatters from everywhere he went_.” She thought she had understood that one as well, had thought she knew what being the Guard Dog had entitled as it kept the two worlds separate, but she hadn’t had a clue. She could never have guessed that there were people he had save, directly or indirectly, while she was curled up in bed sleeping, or waiting patiently for him.

After her talk with Grell she had thought she knew it all, thought she had the pieces to understand. She was foolish enough to think that what Grell had said was all there was to it, that it only confirmed the image she had had already with Sebastian as nothing more than a slightly clearer dot. She had truly believed that what she knew was all there was to it.

And now she was horrified, because she had just realised just how wrong she had been.

She had known Ciel his entire life, she had grown up with him and planned there whole lives together, and now she had just come to a gutting realisation.

She had absolutely no idea who she had married.


	12. Beginning of the end

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> slight mentions of consensual sex

For the next few weeks Lizzy did nothing but go through the motions, perfectly and without fault, but with no heart behind it. To the other reapers she was a model employee, no failed collections and no misbehaviour. Only Ronald and Grell knew that something was wrong, but then again how could they not know? Didn’t matter how well she acted, they knew her to well to fall for it.

The only time that she let her control slip was when she was practicing her sword, when she let all or anger at herself, at Ciel, at that bloody demon turn into precision and ferocity.

It was after one such session that Grell told her about her assessment.

‘Are you serious? Grell, I haven’t been collecting souls four more than a month. How can you think I’m ready?’

‘Darling, you collect souls better than some of the Reapers who have been doing this for decades. That is saying something considering that, as a trainee, you don’t customised glasses or scythe. It would be insulting to your skill if we were to put this off any longer.’ Grell looked at her as she bit her lip.

‘I know that you have been feeling a little out of it lately, that your emotions have a little haywire after seeing Ciel in that girls records, and that seeing him _again_ yesterday in that man’s probably didn’t help. But a reaper’s job means that we can’t be ruled by those feelings when out it the field, something you pulled off effortlessly.’

Elizabeth sighed in resignation when she realised that Grell had a counter for any and all objections she could think of.

‘Who assess me? And when exactly is it?’

‘William will be the official Assessor, as the dispatch head, but you will also be judged by myself and an old Reaper by the name of Samuel, to make sure he is fair. As for when; Wednesday, so three days from now, don’t worry darling, you’ll be fine.’

Lizzy sighed and turned to her sparring partner to request another round. Fencing calmed her down and after Grell’s announcement she felt she needed some de-stressing.

Kskskskskskskskskskskskskskskskskskskskskskskskkskssksksksksksksksksksksksk

Elizabeth lay on the ground with claws on her throat and her broken arm pinned to the by a talon like foot. The other three reapers lay in similar states all around the street.

This hadn’t been a robbery, this had been an ambush.

And it had all started with her exam.

 

Lizzy felt herself flying as she ran across the roof tops to the address she had memorised from the To-Die List. This was her assessment; that meant that she had to complete five set collection throughout the night. Because it was an assessment she had to find her way to all of the locations by herself, she had to correctly end the records and collect the souls successfully. She had to be on time and unnoticed by all except those she was collecting. She could not ask for help or acknowledge those currently following her in anyway. She was not to show emotion or get flustered. She had to conduct herself in the manner befitting of someone of her station, a reaper, a death god, someone who was trying to redeem themselves of the mistake of suicide.

And so she did exactly that.

The first soul, an old seamstress passing away in her sleep, was easy. She lived alone, had lived a long life, and done nothing remarkable ever. Lizzy knew the area well so she didn’t get lost there or back, and had completed collection in record time without making any mistakes. She headed to her second appointment at a steady pace so as to arrive on time without being ridiculously early.

Her second appointment was … difficult. An unnamed babe in the East end dying of malnutrition. Somehow she managed to keep a straight face as she plunged her scythe into that pitifully small chest and watched the painfully short records. Finished, she moved onto the third.

Now that was interesting, and in her opinion an unreasonable collection for a lady, but she kept her composer.

A young noble man, some Earl or something, was to die rather suddenly of a heart attack while doing strenuous activity at midnight.

That strenuous activity being bedding three of his female servants; at the same time.

She wasn’t sure how she kept the blush of her face when she removed the records, or when she watched said records to find that this was a regular event. When that one night were he had bedded his footman came up she couldn’t help noticing Grell out of the corner of her eye, the red head was looking at William with eyes that reminded her of that time she walked in on them a month ago.

She was incredibly glad when she could move on to the fourth, a rather skilled shoe maker. She was very nearly late; the Earls records had focused in great details on his many exploits, which were many, and it had taken a while to view them all.

She didn’t flinch when this man thought about the time he had sold shoes to a young Nobel couple, didn’t react when a few days later the young boy who was an Earl destroyed the Mafia branch that had been troubling his costumers, didn’t show her emotions at seeing her own face in someone else’s records.

It was the last one when the demons attacked.

They waited until she had released the records of the young man who had just been killed in a robbing gone wrong. Only once the cinematic records were flying about did they spring the trap.

There were nine of them; two per reaper and the Orchestrator that all reapers had reported. She lost track of the others as she fought with the two currently trying to steal the souls she carried. Felt her scythe pierce one of her attackers, watched his blood dribble from his shadowy mouth as he gasped his last. But even as he went down the other had her in his grip, throwing her to the ground and holding her there, sharp claws digging into her neck as he prepared to tear out her throat, one of the talons on his feet stepped on her scythe hand, slicing through her arm to dig into the concrete below.

They would take the souls from her dead corpse, if she had had her sword this would have gone very differently.

From this vantage point she could see Grell in a similar position, her blood blending in with her hair. She heard two thumps and noticed that William and Samuel had also been disposed of similarly.

Then the hand on her neck was gone.

Turning her head she looked into a familiar face, into the blood red eyes of the demon previously known as Sebastian Michaelis.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that is Sebastian’s guest appearance, which is almost the entire reason for this fanfic (joking, mostly)


	13. A demon's tale

The Shadowy form that used to be a butler had disposed of the demons in seconds. The Organiser was cowering away from him in fear, begging for forgiveness right up until his head split open on the hard ground. The one that had finished Grell was struggling to rise from where it had been thrown, that stopped when a sharpened stiletto heel entered his heart.

The late arrival tutted as he took in the corpses of his brethren.

'You lot really are a disgrace. It's thanks to ones like you that I went through so many inconveniences during my contract. Not only are you of low class you were defeated by me so _easily_ , and I'm out of practice. What a waste of potential, throwing your lives at the mercy of Reapers.'

Grabbing the hands of the corpses in threads of blackness the creature started to walk away, dragging them behind.

'W-Wait.' She managed to mutter, trying to lift herself up. The demon paused in his exit to watch the blond struggle.

'Was there a problem, Lady Elizabeth?' the demon said in that silken voice like sin slipping into society.

Was there a problem? Yes, many. This was the thing that had taken her husband's soul; this was the creature that had played the dutiful servant while plotting the murder of the one she loved, the one that had snuck into their hearts while intending to rip them away.

She would love to hate and rave at the thing before her, but it was a thing and not a human so it didn't deserve her anger.

Besides; it was the only one, she suspected, that had ever truly known the Ciel that had come back from the fire.

'W-why did you interfere … now?' she managed to gasp out, and thought it was a good question. The demons had been stealing souls and attacking reapers for nearly six months, why was the ex-butler disciplining them now?

'In order to save your life,' seeing her expression he elaborated. 'I owe you a life debt, for your Mate that I took. Demon rules dictate that should one of us kill the mate of a reaper we are required to insure that no other demon interferes with said reaper.'

'You're lying.' Lizzy told him, and he was. She knew of no rule, considering the whole organisation knew of her husband someone would have mentioned it. The demon smiled.

'You're right, there is no rule; there is, however, an order. The last order I was ever given by my last Master, the Earl of Phantomhive.' Lizzy felt her blood run cold. It couldn't be, it was just another lie.

'I swear by my Honour as a King of Hell, this is no lie. And neither is what I am about to say.

'Let me tell you a story, Lady Elizabeth, one you may be familiar with.

'There once was boy who knew nothing but love, light and happiness. This boy had eyes the colour of the heavens and a loving family. Then one night there was a fire and this boy died, along with his parents.

'Then there was a boy in a cage. This boy was different to the first; he had no parents, no home and no hope. He was sold to people who abused him in the most intricate and intimate ways while treating him like nothing more an animal to be branded and slaughtered for the benefit of others. Then this boy died on an altar with a knife through his chest as an offering to summon a demon.

'And at last there was a boy born in fire. A child whose soul was so saturated with hatred that he clung to life and hijacked a summoning. This was someone who bound darkness in chains made of orders absolute. This boy was a puppeteer, a controller, all who met him were powerless to disobey, wrong would turn to right, lies to truth, shadows to light; should he command it.

'This boy knew not love or happiness; he killed without a second thought, death and destruction followed in his wake like obedient dogs.

'And this child saved lives, for death and destruction went nowhere without his permission.

'Now let us introduce another character; a young girl to match our young boy, a wife for an Earl.

'This girl was the Fiancé of the first boy, and now she was betrothed to the last. She was full of light and innocence and a blind determination to be envied. She saw nothing but the best and would protect the one she loved with all her heart.

'And the boy who knew nothing of love proved to be a quick study, after only knowing the girl a few years he was close to besotted. There was only one problem; the girl couldn't tell the difference between the two boys.

'And the last boy laughed and wept and loved this girl who didn't know him at all. She stumbled often and he waited to pick her up. She was so blinded by the light she didn't see him control the dark. He could see this, and loved her for it.

'So he saved more lives.

'The boy loved his now wife, loved her and all her blindness, for while she didn't know him at all he knew her very well. But the boy had another, older contract; and he was a man of his word. He knew she would make a mistake and there was nothing he could do to prevent it. He tried, tried to warn her but knew that it would not be enough and that if he told the truth it would make things worse. Tried to create safety nets, people ordered to keep a close eye on her but everyone needs to sleep. He tried to take away means, hide and destroy the instruments that could be used but things are missed or can be remade.

'When he finally realised it was hopeless he made an order, the day before the contract was completed so it was still valid. He ordered the dark that she may never be troubled by it, in life or in death. He ordered that, should she make that final mistake the dark would stay away and keep lesser shadows at bay.

'Do you understand, Lady Elizabeth? You were blind, and he was not but he loved you anyway. He was three boys and you only one girl. I am the dark, and as a sign of respect for someone as such as he I will honour his last wish.' With that he left a broken girl to cry on the side walk, souls still in her possession, next to the unconscious forms of her friends.

She had no idea who it was she had married, strangers had known him better; the one she claimed to love was nothing more than a figment of her imagination. But someone had loved her, loved her and known her better than she knew herself.

And deep down she knew he had been too good for her, that she had never deserved the man she couldn't see.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just the Epilogue left. Because the reapers are only unconscious they all wake up and walk home, Lizzy passed the test. Her death scythe will be the sword she has in the Manga.
> 
> just to clear something up, when Elizabeth was alive Sebastian was a servant, so just another bit of furniture, as a reaper he was just another bit of filth like the ones causing problems. Out of the duo who broke her heart (Ciel and Sebastian) Ciel was the only one she would ever consider equal so the only one she would care about, that is why she doesn't yell at him. To her Sebastian was merely a means to an end, a dot on her image of her husband, it simply doesn't occur to her to give a damn. Society, her upbringing, everything ever has brainwashed her into thinking him a lesser being (something I don't agree with but that was life at the time the manga is set), sorry for those that wanted a shouting match or duel.


	14. Epilogue

Elizabeth sat on the roof and swung her legs over the dizzying twelve story drop. It had been over a hundred years since the night she died and the world had evolved; changed around her while leaving her untouched, at least physically.

Mentally she couldn't be any more different from the girl who had killed herself on her husband's grave if she tried. It had taken longer than she cared to admit but she now felt she knew the man she married, decades after he had died. Years she had spent combing through archives and memories, piecing together the story, until she knew exactly what had been happening around her while she was too self-absorbed to care.

Other things had changed; her parents had died soon after she had, her brother relatively recently with a wife and children.

She had been the one to collect them, to welcome them into the afterlife.

She may have been foolish, but she had insisted. Grell had offered to do it for her, but she felt that it was her responsibility to witness the aftermath of her mistake. Her slightly more sentimental reason was that she hoped it brought them closure to be able to see her smiling face one last time before they moved on, even if that closure was berating her for her actions.

Being dead and having a male partner Grell never got her child, until a four year old tried to escape the pain of an abusive family, the boy was officially adopted into Grell's loving arms within seconds of arriving at headquarters. William and Grell had gotten married around the same time, nearly two decades ago.

And she had married Ronald; much to everyone's shock, amusement and dismay.

Over the last century she had had much time to consider her mistakes, the ones she had made regarding her husband, the ones she had made concerning her conduct, and her final mistake that had led to her new job. The years had dulled her pain, and made her realise that she had never had a right to it in the first place.

Ronald wasn't like Ciel, and she had made sure that this time she wouldn't repeat history.

She continued to swing her legs over the drop without fear. She was already dead so a fall would do nothing to her; it was a different story for the person standing on the edge beside her.

Mary Roberts, born 6th of May 1992, due to die on the 1st of January 2017 from trauma after jumping of a building, Mary was her current collection job.

Part of Lizzy wanted to stop her, to save her from this life, but she couldn't. Not only was it against the rules, she had learnt that this was in no way the punishment she had first thought it would be.

As the girl fell she couldn't help her smile, Grell was always interesting when she had a new reaper to train.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> for those who are interested, this is different from my original ending. Lizzy was going to be redeemed and moved on, but I realised that she would enjoy this life to much for that to happen.


End file.
